Archive | April, 2010

HOW TO WASH A STINKY PUSSY

27 Apr
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a “power-wash and rinse”.
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
 
 
 
 This blog was copied from lumq.com & the owner of this space does not condone this type of behaviour toward pets (but she sure feels like it sometimes).
 
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HOW TO WASH A STINKY PUSSY

27 Apr
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a “power-wash and rinse”.
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
 
 
 
 This blog was copied from lumq.com & the owner of this space does not condone this type of behaviour toward pets (but she sure feels like it sometimes).
 

HOW TO WASH A STINKY PUSSY

27 Apr
1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.
2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may need to stand on the lid.
4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a “power-wash and rinse”.
6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.
 
 
 
 This blog was copied from lumq.com & the owner of this space does not condone this type of behaviour toward pets (but she sure feels like it sometimes).
 

on pissing it all away

21 Apr
 
F*ck! I just wiped out this whole blog & had to retype it all over again while trying to remember what I originally wrote to begin with, hahaha, because I did not save it to a Word document first. Now how lame-brained is that, folks?
 
Anyway, here goes – all over again! BOO HOO!
 
My long-time coming & long-awaited Bible*
quote of the day is "ask and ye shall receive".
 
Yeah… but what if you didn’t ask? I just found a direct deposit slip in my mailbox that arrived yesterday from the very same institution that was giving me a hard time last Friday, of all things! The statement shows they deposited almost $600 into my bank account for ARREARS (and yes, they showed that in bold) & may I be so bold as to tell you I’m flattered by that, and also mention to you that my friend tells people (in a joking way when it’s really not a joke) that I’m the only one he knows that can go into a government office & begin to spin like a squirrel and they’ll immediately cut me a cheque… just to get rid of me!
 
On another note, before I forget here, and now the MOS (Mistress of Switch – of topics, that is) is going to briefly mention the cheezy word strings that caught my eye this morning: Weird Al’s grammar lesson in a grocery store & Lindsay Lohan’s being "out" $600 geez and we all know where that went, don’t we? Straight up the ole nozeroo!
 
Now I suddenly feel the urge to tell you "please" DON’T DRINK & DRIVE
on this warm & sultry (I  that word) hump day in which the birds are all singing their glorious melodies.
 
 
 
I’m sure there are plenty of ways to have a pleasant whale of a good time without trying to operate any motor vehicles no matter how bored or flighty you may be feeling. That’s probably why my neighbourhood has front lawns that are all beginning to look like highway rest stops, and one of theirs even has a pond you can piss in.
 
Excuse me a moment while I go for a whiz
 
OMG! That old Canadian artist, Burton Cummings’ song just began to play on Vinyl 95 Three where he sings "never been much on religion (blah blah blah) you hear me talking, you hear my cryin’, it’s confusing to me Lord, I’m terrified (blah blah blah) I get down on my knees (blah blah blah)". And now that I think about it, that guy was a boozer, too!
 
Before I say arriva derci & get back to this new-arrival dreck I have to face here, including the mound of laundry I should be putting away (YIKES – you should see it!) I’m only going to tell you one thing about how my hair turned out last night after I spent almost 2 hours trying to look like that L’oréal model on the cover of the box, and that is they must have made a big boo-boo when they posted the colour because my shimmering golden amaretto highlights are so bright they would hurt your eyes, and underneath them it would appear my hair has been soaking in almond rocca espresso – GEIKS! (and if you don’t know what that means by now, it’s eez self-coined term for a combo of yucky, gag me with a spoon & the German word for distasteful in the way that you’d really get turned off). But I’m not complaining for it looks a lot better than it did before & is definitely an eye-catcher, that I can say to you.
 
 
*Sea… I sure ain’t being disrespectful when I capitalize the noun for probably the most-read book on the face of the planet, am I?
 
 

on pissing it all away

21 Apr
 
F*ck! I just wiped out this whole blog & had to retype it all over again while trying to remember what I originally wrote to begin with, hahaha, because I did not save it to a Word document first. Now how lame-brained is that, folks?
 
Anyway, here goes – all over again! BOO HOO!
 
My long-time coming & long-awaited Bible*
quote of the day is "ask and ye shall receive".
 
Yeah… but what if you didn’t ask? I just found a direct deposit slip in my mailbox that arrived yesterday from the very same institution that was giving me a hard time last Friday, of all things! The statement shows they deposited almost $600 into my bank account for ARREARS (and yes, they showed that in bold) & may I be so bold as to tell you I’m flattered by that, and also mention to you that my friend tells people (in a joking way when it’s really not a joke) that I’m the only one he knows that can go into a government office & begin to spin like a squirrel and they’ll immediately cut me a cheque… just to get rid of me!
 
On another note, before I forget here, and now the MOS (Mistress of Switch – of topics, that is) is going to briefly mention the cheezy word strings that caught my eye this morning: Weird Al’s grammar lesson in a grocery store & Lindsay Lohan’s being "out" $600 geez and we all know where that went, don’t we? Straight up the ole nozeroo!
 
Now I suddenly feel the urge to tell you "please" DON’T DRINK & DRIVE
on this warm & sultry (I  that word) hump day in which the birds are all singing their glorious melodies.
 
 
 
I’m sure there are plenty of ways to have a pleasant whale of a good time without trying to operate any motor vehicles no matter how bored or flighty you may be feeling. That’s probably why my neighbourhood has front lawns that are all beginning to look like highway rest stops, and one of theirs even has a pond you can piss in.
 
Excuse me a moment while I go for a whiz
 
OMG! That old Canadian artist, Burton Cummings’ song just began to play on Vinyl 95 Three where he sings "never been much on religion (blah blah blah) you hear me talking, you hear my cryin’, it’s confusing to me Lord, I’m terrified (blah blah blah) I get down on my knees (blah blah blah)". And now that I think about it, that guy was a boozer, too!
 
Before I say arriva derci & get back to this new-arrival dreck I have to face here, including the mound of laundry I should be putting away (YIKES – you should see it!) I’m only going to tell you one thing about how my hair turned out last night after I spent almost 2 hours trying to look like that L’oréal model on the cover of the box, and that is they must have made a big boo-boo when they posted the colour because my shimmering golden amaretto highlights are so bright they would hurt your eyes, and underneath them it would appear my hair has been soaking in almond rocca espresso – GEIKS! (and if you don’t know what that means by now, it’s eez self-coined term for a combo of yucky, gag me with a spoon & the German word for distasteful in the way that you’d really get turned off). But I’m not complaining for it looks a lot better than it did before & is definitely an eye-catcher, that I can say to you.
 
 
*Sea… I sure ain’t being disrespectful when I capitalize the noun for probably the most-read book on the face of the planet, am I?
 
 

on pissing it all away

21 Apr
 
F*ck! I just wiped out this whole blog & had to retype it all over again while trying to remember what I originally wrote to begin with, hahaha, because I did not save it to a Word document first. Now how lame-brained is that, folks?
 
Anyway, here goes – all over again! BOO HOO!
 
My long-time coming & long-awaited Bible*
quote of the day is "ask and ye shall receive".
 
Yeah… but what if you didn’t ask? I just found a direct deposit slip in my mailbox that arrived yesterday from the very same institution that was giving me a hard time last Friday, of all things! The statement shows they deposited almost $600 into my bank account for ARREARS (and yes, they showed that in bold) & may I be so bold as to tell you I’m flattered by that, and also mention to you that my friend tells people (in a joking way when it’s really not a joke) that I’m the only one he knows that can go into a government office & begin to spin like a squirrel and they’ll immediately cut me a cheque… just to get rid of me!
 
On another note, before I forget here, and now the MOS (Mistress of Switch – of topics, that is) is going to briefly mention the cheezy word strings that caught my eye this morning: Weird Al’s grammar lesson in a grocery store & Lindsay Lohan’s being "out" $600 geez and we all know where that went, don’t we? Straight up the ole nozeroo!
 
Now I suddenly feel the urge to tell you "please" DON’T DRINK & DRIVE
on this warm & sultry (I  that word) hump day in which the birds are all singing their glorious melodies.
 
 
 
I’m sure there are plenty of ways to have a pleasant whale of a good time without trying to operate any motor vehicles no matter how bored or flighty you may be feeling. That’s probably why my neighbourhood has front lawns that are all beginning to look like highway rest stops, and one of theirs even has a pond you can piss in.
 
Excuse me a moment while I go for a whiz
 
OMG! That old Canadian artist, Burton Cummings’ song just began to play on Vinyl 95 Three where he sings "never been much on religion (blah blah blah) you hear me talking, you hear my cryin’, it’s confusing to me Lord, I’m terrified (blah blah blah) I get down on my knees (blah blah blah)". And now that I think about it, that guy was a boozer, too!
 
Before I say arriva derci & get back to this new-arrival dreck I have to face here, including the mound of laundry I should be putting away (YIKES – you should see it!) I’m only going to tell you one thing about how my hair turned out last night after I spent almost 2 hours trying to look like that L’oréal model on the cover of the box, and that is they must have made a big boo-boo when they posted the colour because my shimmering golden amaretto highlights are so bright they would hurt your eyes, and underneath them it would appear my hair has been soaking in almond rocca espresso – GEIKS! (and if you don’t know what that means by now, it’s eez self-coined term for a combo of yucky, gag me with a spoon & the German word for distasteful in the way that you’d really get turned off). But I’m not complaining for it looks a lot better than it did before & is definitely an eye-catcher, that I can say to you.
 
 
*Sea… I sure ain’t being disrespectful when I capitalize the noun for probably the most-read book on the face of the planet, am I?
 
 

GONE FISHING

21 Apr
 
I wish!  This blog is my very first one ever in the Computers and Internet category actually, because I was just trying to use one of my quirky marketing kind of schemes to attract your attention – uno, like those silly human experiments I think of sometimes, for instance, only shaving one armpit & letting the other one grow in? In this case, I was trying to disguise myself as having gone away again – and you probably fell for it too, didn’t you? Haha! Can you believe I forgot to say happy 4-20 to y’awl today? Well, I did, and my friend just reminded me of it about 20 minutes ago. Oh well. What I’m really here to warn you about is scammers.
 

Scammers, especially the ones who are into phishing (and no, I’m not purposely misspelling the sport I love that involves casting a line out), have learned how to change the "from" name and email address in email messages. Therefore do not assume that an email is legitimate just because it looks like it comes from a person or company you trust.

For more information on email scams in Canada, please visit the RCMP’s anti-fraud website: http://www.phonebusters.com/english/recognizeit_phishingemails.html

 Thanks to one of my long-time friends, I was forewarned to read a Toronto Star article & decide for myself whether I’m being frauded by a company that hired me thru Workopolis a few years back as an accounting clerk, & posed as a reputable company in this area (which actually really existed & had many branch offices as well), but they ended up "stealing" over $1000 from me by way of asking me to cash counterfeit cheques for them. Sometimes it takes several months to find out that the money transactions did not go thru & that the items they’ve been sending are fraudulent. By then, it’s usually too late to catch the buggers too. So if you’re into playing along with these criminals by keeping them going long enough to actually have telephone conversations with them & exchange as many emails & letter mail as you can with them, you might get lucky here once in a while and catch one of them. But unfortunately, this country keeps allowing the culprits to re-enter Canada for some reason and keep committing these crimes. Now how fucking stupid is that, folks?

A local police detective told me that she warned a fellow not to proceed with any transactions when he became involved in the same sort of thing but he didn’t listen & ended up losing around $80,000 (or should I say having to pay it back) – YIKES! The article I was told to read said it all more or less when it suggested that these scammers (in my case, The West Nigerian Fraud Ring) are now preying on the jobless out there – how sick can you get, eh?