Speaking of "har workers" as my faceless online friend put it, I see that she & some other doeheads in my friends on here (which used to be called a network) are really hard at work themselves today! WTF’s it to you what is going on with other people & who are you to judge them, when most of you are nothing but liars & coming across as someone that you apparently are not.
I’ve opened my space to call upon my family & close friends to challenge the stupid cowards who wait ’til I’m gone to slander me & won’t confront me to my face if you have something to say to me or you’re unhappy with something, and I strongly suspect it’s the people who pretend to be nice to me to my face then turn around & stab me in the back because they have nothing better to do with themselves. These very same people are the ones who go around acting like their poop don’t stink. Their "door is clean but the inside is dirty" if you catch my meaning.
I have finally put 2 & 2 together here, and realized that because of nosy people & the "Gladys Krabitzes" out there, everything that I’ve been joking about & making stabs at, including the zany pictures I’ve been posting, like the plastic tube with the powder laying beside it on my desk, which just so happens to be one of my eccentric photographic creations I thought of at the spur of the moment while I was filing my nails & scraping my crusty feet, in which I used my fingernail & foot scrapings (yes indeedy!) and the comments I’ve been making on my pictures like the "place that Paul Bernardo frequented that I visited in St Catharines", along with everything else that I’ve been saying & doing, have all been taken in the wrong context here, just from people absorbing & overhearing either by eavesdropping or seeing & hearing "bit & pieces" of info about me, and that includes having sex in my own house & watching legal porno videos and filming myself with my boyfriend having sex, behind closed doors, with the windows drawn, in my own home, which was perhaps overheard & mistaken for something else. They’ve probably seen me with videos in my hand or CDs or computer stuff too – which has been my hobby all my life, and then jumped to conclusions again thinking I’m doing who knows what. Oh, now I get it even more! They’ve most probably mistaken the loud moaning, groaning, wailing, howling & wee-ooh-weeing coming from me, at times, while I’m having supremely pleasurable multiple orgasms, as sounds that might be made when a person is getting physically tortured or murdered. Excuuuuuuuuuse me! Perhaps I should rent a soundproof hotel room or go to some backwoods campground to fornicate where only the racoons can hear me. Need I go on any further? I suggest to those kinds of people who have their ears against people’s walls to go & boink yourselves. And by that, I don’t mean eff off (hahaha).
I invite anyone to see the stuff that I have left here, which is mainly junk, including the receipts that prove that I have paid for these items throughout my life. You would really get a big laugh out of all of this for there is really nothing much of value here, except sentimentally to myself, like photo albums & old home videos of me & my family since before I was born & from my exhusband (from a relationship of 12 years in length up until 1994) plus videos I made years ago of old Young & Restless, Pee Wee Herman, X-Files, CSI, Tales From The Crypt & Star Trek reruns, made-for-TV movies, and some music CDs, most of which I have purchased with my own money I earned. And just because I might own some movies that involve serial killers (that can be seen on TV here), that doesn’t mean that I’m psychotic or sociopathic. Nor am I schizophrenic either
This bullcrap’s been going on all my life with people not being able to mind their own business, right back to when I was only a child & a close family member intercepted & opened a letter I was about to send to my cousin in which I described graphic details regarding sexual relations with a boy (which in fact was only wishful thinking because I was going thru puberty), along with my own friends’ gossiping about me for decades regarding my personal business – friends that used to admire me when I was highly successful, married & had all the toys and a complete open bar for them to drink from & a cottage up north for them to frequent… need I go on again? ALL these people, including the guys whom I’ve dated after we divorced, have all stabbed me in the back at one point or another, all because they were jealous of me & my husband. Like I say, this has been happening to me since I was a little child, & probably because people wanted to put a wedge in the fun I was always having with myself in my creative endeavours & hobbies, for I could always occupy myself on my own & stay out of trouble. I liked to stay home & be a Hausfrau rather than going out to party & frequent bars all the time. That’s just the way I’ve been all my life & I’m never gonna change nor is anyone going to try to change me by telling me that my hobbies are a waste of time & useless. These are the very things that have been keeping me happy, so why take it away from me just because you’re not happy with yourselves? People should appreciate others for who they are, and focus on their good qualities, rather than picking them apart & having nothing good to say.
You see, everyone, it’s not acceptable to be exceptional & it’s obvious to me that it’s not acceptable to show that you are having too much joy in this life. Most of the reasons why I broke up with my 1st husband in the first place is because of these very same reasons – because my envious friends & family could not mind their own business and began to spread rumours or try to turn me against him. And the funny thing is, when people begin to cause so much stress & turmoil in your life, you end up feeling so mixed up that you start to doubt everything that’s wonderful around you & even begin to act out in crazy ways.
Many people who have been bashed or abused in one form or another end up committing suicide in their 40’s because it all ends up catching up with them. A friend who was sexually molested by a neighbour as a young child (& was afraid to tell anyone about it because everyone referred to the guy as an uncle) ended up overdosing on sleeping pills in her early 30’s because she was afraid to walk up the street and bump into this guy some day (and this is exactly what she told me about him, for the very 1st time since I’d known her for almost 20 years), along with not being able to lead a sound & harmonious life with any of her male partners. Don’t worry, people, I’m not insinuating that I will kill myself or that I’m suicidal right now, but I have often felt this way when people have bashed & abused me all because they are uneducated hate mongers who jump to false assumptions about me, and also because my brother is a cross-dresser, and there is a history of mental illness in my family… oh, and yeah, because this house is falling apart
FRIENDS & FOES…
even our own enemies can teach us a thing or two
It’s really funny how people love to prey on others who are weak & who they think can’t defend themselves. And these very same people I’m talking about – yes, all of them right down to members of my own family, my boyfriend, my exes, my co-workers – you name it, the list goes on – well, instead of trying to be a true friend to me, and by that I mean spending time to hang out with me & get to know me, or do quality things together with me like going out for dinner or a movie (you know what I’m trying to say here), or even call me up for that matter – rather than doing that, they sit back & condemn me. Right now, I’m feeling very strong, and while I’m planning my next move after I write this, which is to pack up the rest of the belongings that I have left – you know, all the old sentimental stuff mostly, toys, knick-knacks & hobbies I have acquired from working throughout my life… and again, most of the people gossiping & speculating about me would not know that, would they, for they have never seen my extensive work history.
These nosy hypocrites who appear to be successful all the way around & in charge of their lives are nothing but malicious people who are not happy with themselves & their lives even though, from outside appearances, they appear to be all the way around, as I’ve already stated. It’s nothing but a facade really, the way everybody has to keep up with the Joneses all the time. What does that really prove about yourself as a person? Nothing, except that you are sheep (no explanation necessary here). It shouldn’t matter what people own, what their homes look like or how they dress. What really matters in this life is how you go about it & conduct yourselves.
Why is it that I worked for years at the same place & never bothered to check out the vehicles of my co-workers, let alone even knew what they were driving? Because I just didn’t care, that’s why! And why is it that I can seem to mind my own business about people & not interfere or pry into their lives (unless, of course, they begin to mess with mine), even though I do know a lot of their secrets & keep them to myself? Again, because I just don’t give 2 shits! And why is that? Because I’m more concerned with myself & my own life, that’s why!
I HAVE THE RIGHT TO EXERCISE FREEDOM OF SPEECH & EXPRESS MY OPINIONS
& if I’ve been ignorant in some way or another by saying things based out of not being properly educated, refined or informed, then I am only as human as the next person beside me, and to err is human. If people would only read my whole space and really get to know me in person, including my whole history, they’d see that not only have I been bashed & abused for being bi-sexual by uneducated abusive men & chased by young boys to no end (some even feigning to be women) even though I’m not interested in them, but now I’m not even allowed to have an identity from the looks of things.
Can’t you open up your eyes & see that I’m not the one who’s at fault here? I’ve had to fight tooth & nail to defend & protect myself mostly against predatorial men, along with many jealous & catty women throughout my life, because not only do I have beauty but I also have brawn! It hasn’t been easy being me, that is for sure! Some of you are judging me based on my book’s cover, which can be very misleading & deceiving. It might appear to some people out there that I’m involved in criminal activities, illegal sex trades or perhaps a con artist or computer hacker of some sort, based upon some of the accusations I’ve been receiving lately, all because I’m a highly sexual person. But that doesn’t mean that I’m harming anyone just because I like sex. And just because I talk about it doesn’t mean that I want to have it with numerous people. And even if I did, there is nothing illegal about that, nor is it illegal to attend sex clubs here (such as the one in London, Ontario, which I’m adding to my Bucket List here), yet I have been accused by certain people whose names I won’t mention here (but I’m sure you all know about already from having to listen to them hounding you with gossip about me in the past) that I’m into going to places such as these. Big friggin’ deal!
If only these ignoramuses who gossip about others would take a good long look at themselves for a change… yeah, there you have it, folks! They themselves are the ones who are ‘guilty’ of doing the exact same things like going into porn sites & corresponding with people who are into that sort of thing. Wake up & face reality, people! If you don’t like sex, that’s your problem, not mine. Go & hang out with people that share your own interests instead of picking me to pieces before you know all the facts.
I even had to consult with my lifelong friends & family about this in the past 2 days, for a couple of them have been trying to pry into my business when it’s none of theirs to begin with, and a couple of others that have known me all my life (including one partner who I had been faithful to for many years) I believe are totally on my side here. People have been bothering me so much lately that I cannot even think straight & I’m afraid to leave my own house at times!
As for some of the details about the weird things that have been happening to me, someone actually pretended they were a good friend of me & my lifelong friends, and I hope he doesn’t mind me mentioning his name here – by the name of /&*#; who goes by the handle of rich;!,/&*#; @ only 1 email address, which an imposter copied almost to a T so that they could spy on me along with my friend X‘s (and the list continues to go one here!) – and again, probably because they were trying to implicate me as a prostitute or something, of all things! I’m sure that my friend /&*#; & his wife would jump to my defense here in a flash (based upon their reps), for they have already been aware of what’s been happening to me for quite a while now, including everyone else that I know.
There have been several entities appearing more & more in this place pretending they’re someone they’re not. Well, I don’t need to go on here. I’m sure I’ve already exposed you for the dumb-asses that you really are! There was even a guy in a vehicle outside of my house a few times with a company car dressed up to the nines who approached me each time I left my house to ask for directions, giving me a lame story. On the second occasion in which he approached me, when I went to the corner store, he actually gave me this cockamamy story that his friend stood him up & tried to hook up with me by inviting me to drink with him & asked to come to my house, of all things! It was obvious to me that no one could be this frickin dumb as this just by the way he was acting with me. When I told him that I don’t associate with strangers or invite people in my home, he actually came to my door a half hour later & stuck a $10 bill in my front door’s mail slot (after I refused to open the door), saying that it’s to "help" me because he thought I seemed distraught. I asked for his phone number & asked what he did with this company that was advertised on the outside of his car. Again, his story seemed to be a lie, and I’m sure he was trying to set me up somehow for prostitution! I have been telling my emotional abuse counsellor for the past year, and law enforcement officials regarding the strange events that have been happening to me for the past year or so ever since a French Canadian police officer took my diary (which I have never had returned to me). I mentioned this to a corrections officer to follow up on this & she kept assuring me that no police are monitoring my activities. I just don’t get any of this anymore.
A lot of the people who condemn me are mostly dysfunctional themselves, meaning they either drink excessively each & every day, &/or do all kinds of drugs, including popping pills to no end. I’m not saying that I’m perfect here. I’ve just about tried everything at one point or another in my life, but if you were to spend some time with me, you would see that I had 1 prescription (which now, I feel I am well enough to no longer use as a crutch to lean on & am not ever going to ask to have refilled by my family physician), and that’s for panic & anxiety attacks (hmm…. and I wonder why?) plus a bong sitting there in the corner (and bongs are readily available at any corner variety store nowadays, including digital weigh scales, for I’ve seen them myself at the nearest convience store behind the counter for all to see). Go figure! How ironic, huh? I’ve never in my life sold drugs. Once, when I was a teen, I was arrested for having hash oil residue on some papers & an empty $10 used hash-oil vial at the bottom of my purse, for which I was discharged.
I feel like I have literally been raped & that it’s a grave injustice that my privacy has been invaded, after living my whole life without ever getting into any trouble except for having associated with others who had criminal records & tried to get me involved in their problems. As for smoking pot here & there, that does not make me dangerous, for I have smoked it throughout my life since I was 13 and my own doctor informed me that he could prescribe THC pills for me to help to calm me, and to ease the pain & discomfort of my permanent injuries that I sustained when I was beaten & stabbed 7 years ago.
I was doing fine & was a productive individual throughout my life, and my work history & personal associates can all attest to that fact. All I want to do is go on with my life & stop being harassed by evil troublemakers. I am not that easy to break even though at times I feel so weak. I am a fighter & a strong woman, and if need-be, I will launch a civil suit or any other type of legal action if these people who are bothering me won’t back off & leave me the heck alone!
I am imploring whoever it is out there that’s been monitoring me & stalking me to leave me alone, once & for all, or I will take action to make you stop. A corrections officer has already asked me to hire a computer professional to try & find out who is behind all of this but I was informed that it’s very hard to figure this out after consulting with them.
It is my belief that sooner or later the culprit(s) will be caught just by their continual efforts, characteristics & patterns, and that they will eventually give themselves away…
I’m sitting here waiting for you to MAKE A MOVE…
and my suggestion to you is MOVE OUT & MOVE ON because I ain’t leavin’ eez werld
I bet you didn’t know that I’ve been sexually harassed by men at several jobs throughout my life, and have even been let go because of this (even though they said it was for other reasons). Sometimes, I was even afraid to complain about it for I did not want retaliation. I had been wearing a gold wedding band that my friend gave me as a gift for several years (until someone stole it from me) just to ward off men & make them think that I’m married. Take, for instance, the night I was harassed by a cabbie when I asked him to take me home after visiting my mother on Mother’s Day right after working a 10-hour shift, then forced to be driven around by him all over the place (plus charged for it) rather than him taking me where I told him to go (my home, that is), and then more or less pawed by him before I escaped from the car & ran into the corner store just down the street from me. I was wearing that very same band on my wedding-ring finger & I even showed it to him, telling him that I was married! I felt I had to resign from my job because of this, along with being given a hard time by a couple of jealous people, all because I was too fast on the keyboard & pretty, I suppose!
As for whining & lamenting, I have good reason to cry out right now, after my buttons have been pushed to the max & my tail’s been stepped on to the point where I’m afraid to move in my own house! And what’s with this double standard I’ve been noticing lately? I guess it’s okay for men who are sex fiends on Windows Live Spaces to get away talking dirty, showing their dickie-birds in their display photos & posting lewd comments on women’s photos like "yummy pussy", but it’s not okay for a woman, apparently, to even make references about sex or post sexually suggestive pictures or stories, even if they’re jokes, right? As far as I’m concerned here, it all boils down to jealousy! I think men are envious of women because they get more attention & opportunities than they do in this life, & mostly based on their looks, from the looks of things. And boy (and that includes girl), you’d better watch out if she’s a smart cookie as well as being hot (and I don’t mean hot-tempered or menopausal, haha)!
Gee, I could go on & on & on forever with even more similar experiences. It’s been the story of my life, believe me! I even used to get chased home from school & beaten up by kids who called me a Nazi & Square Head – and most likely the real reason was because I was an A1 student who even skipped grade 3 (and I’m not trying to show off here, it’s just the way it is) – when in fact my father was born in West Germany (which it was called at the time before the Berlin wall was torn down). My mother wasn’t a Nazi either but she sure acted like one sometimes (all in good fun here, of course).
I also recall a time when my first husband had to arrive at my job to wait for a man who would not stop pestering me & making me feel uncomfortable, so he could confront him out in the parking lot while all my co-workers looked on. Oh, there’s more that I can tell you that would shock the shit out of you, like when a relative who was drunk in the old country I visited at a pre-pubescent age began to fondle my breasts that had just begun to sprout, and all he got was a little slap on the wrist for it by the rest of the family. Or how about the time when a close relative’s friend began to rub himself up against me after we both had about a third of a glass of wine at his house while waiting for my car to get fixed. I’ve even been accused of leading some people on by the provocative way that I dress or the way that I act, meaning??????????? Horse-droppings! The day I was assaulted by that guy I was wearing baggy clothes that didn’t reveal very much at all. Still, that is no justifiable excuse whatsoever to put your hands or any part of your body on a woman without her consent! It’s legal to walk around topless here, but no one does it except for men, and why? Because this country is fecked if you ask me!
In Germany, I’ve seen naked women on the front of news magazines that are like Time or Newsweek. It’s never been a problem there to go nude or naked. It’s also been the custom for a lot of Europeans, both adult & child, to bathe with each other, believe it or not! I bet if I laid out topless this afternoon, I’d have a zillion guys harassing me to no end out there. You know, now that I’m really getting riled up, I might just begin doing some things on purpose just to show you that I can do them! Twice, I was come on to at 2 different offices where I worked, & by their own male employees (one of which was married) only to be let go at both offices & told that I was incompetent at my job, when they initially hired me because I was very efficient & knowledgeable.
Now here’s a real kicker for you soccer fans out there! On the very 1st day of my 2nd marriage, during the party we were having at home directly thereafter, I was ordered by my new husband to go into the bedroom and change out of my wedding gown because people could see thru it! Meanwhile, the gown was full length & had a slip underneath, yet I didn’t hear any complaints about it at the church. Go figure! This was the very first day that man began to abuse me, by the way. Could you ever possibly imagine how detrimental this has all been for me, just in being who I am? Canadian women have rights here? Yeah, right! Not the "misfortunates" &/or the ones who choose to live alone without a man by their side to protect them, defend them, keep them from harm & even getting ripped off by sheisters, from what I’ve seen more often than not.
Another thing that’s really bothering me right now is that some men will not take "no" for an answer. Some have even tried to coerce me by offering me money to have sex or get it on with me, acting like they cared about me when all they really wanted to do was get into my pants or get their dinkies #&@^!*, & if they want to stab me in the back after I turn them down, by spreading rumors (and I’ve spelled rumour the American way, by the way) about me all because they couldn’t have their way with me, such as what’s happened to me most recently as well as many times in the past (causing me to be bashed to no end by my peers), then they are the evil ones, not I.
I’ve been having sexual relations with the same man for years now, & am very close with family & friends. It’s really a shame that I have to cry to them for help right now to defend me, and that a pretty & well-groomed woman who chooses to live alone by herself is considered an easy target for opportunistic predators. At this point, I don’t give a rat’s patoodie about the repercussions that might follow me after I post this for all to read, for I am not lying & if necessary, have creditable people to back me up as witnesses & character references.
If any of you aren’t old enough to remember this photo, it’s Geraldo Rivera, a gutsy & controversial reporter. Even though I have a lot of balls myself for being a woman (no pun intended here), I think I’m way too beautiful to want to get my face smashed in again by abusive people.
I’m really nothing but a zany, potty-mouthed, sarcastic & satirical joker who loves sex (& what’s wrong with that?) plus I should think I’m old enough by now to look at any pornographic material I choose to, as long as it’s not kiddy porn which is an abomination to society to say the least, as well as make home videos, as long as I don’t sell them & they’re not snuff videos (which are also totally evil & fall into the same class as any other crime against humanity), yet I did hear a girl on the Howard Stern show one morning while I was driving to work saying that she wanted to in one voluntarily, of all things! Now that is crazy, wouldn’t you say? I’m against slavery as well, whether it’s white or black – it’s the same thing! But I am into being a sex slave in roll-playing with my partner, but that’s all in good fun & with each other’s consent, of course! Again, there are no laws against this as well, as long as both parties agree to it & they’re having fun!
I also like to make stabs at the lunacy going on in the world around us & people’s stupidity, but that doesn’t mean that I myself am into it or are doing it. I’ve been quirky & zany all my life since I was a little kid, for crying out loud. It is the stalker who has the problem for he/she’s been trying to set me up in various ways for quite a long time now by sending me sexually-oriented spam, impersonating my close friends, tracking my movements both online & right by where I’ve been living most of my life & taking what I say so seriously & personally. Now who’s the guilty one here, I ask, never mind stupid. It’s the hypocrite!
This person’s so dumb they’ve actually been falling for everything that I’ve been saying & believing it the way they want to, when in fact it is I who’s been doing nothing but voicing my thoughts to them, and they’re nothing but legitimate business ideas, like selling dirty panties online, for instance. And is this against the law here? I highly doubt it. You can sell just about anything you want to online as long as it’s not sexual favours, as far as I know of. Like I said, they’re only random musings!
And speaking of being a coward, why can’t you just come out & confront me while I’m online, instead of waiting until I’m away, if you’re so concerned about something I may have done wrong, you clown(s)! Or better yet, why not just come over here with the police instead of accusing me of doing something illegal? But you won’t, will you, for as I said, you are a coward.
I’m a very open & honest person who doesn’t give a damn about anyone’s secrets that I know of, but if you’re going to start causing trouble for me, perhaps I should reveal all the bad things that I’ve known about the whole lot of you & the stuff that you’ve been up to? I’d rather not, nor do I choose to get involved in anyone’s problems anymore, for
I AM A CLASS ACT WHICH YOU WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO COPY!
Either way, the person who posted that note in my guestbook was so very right when they said I should move on out of this place. I was already thinking the same thing anyway for I’ve grown rather bored with this. I’d rather go somewhere where I will be accepted rather than getting provoked to lose my temper &/or beaten up again, and I’m sure that certain good friends I’ve met on here would love to come with me, too! Better yet, now that I am free to travel, perhaps I should move to a country where it’s acceptable to be me & be allowed to have a peaceful & tranquil life without being attacked by prejudiced people. Enough said. And by the way, this is going to be my very last posting.
Now I implore those of you again (and you all know who you are) to leave this poor woman alone so she can get on with her life, as we all deserve to do here, don’t we? I do not wish to get the police involved or launch any law suits here because it’s simply not worth the effort. My health is already failing as it is. I think it’s best these people focus on getting rid of the really dangerous criminals out there, never mind picking on an emotionally unstable & piss-poor gimp! And if I am confronted by any authorities or the news media or anyone else about this, or asked to testify against anyone in court about anything I "might" know about them, I shall be mute, as in mum (for any of you who’ve read Shakespeare, who was an expert on backstabbing, by the way), for I refuse to get involved in anything, have minded my own business, and do not need to have my life endangered any more than it already has been by stupid individuals.
Now I’d better get a move on here for I have things to attend to which include taking care of my disability issues & getting x-rayed for an upcoming operation, after which I’m making plans to move out of here as soon as I possibly can. PLEASE let me do these things for myself & be happy in knowing that I will be gone soon. As I’ve said already, this will be the very last time I post anything on here… but I can always change my mind about that, which is my prerogative, for it says right here in Windows Live Spaces that I am the owner of this space, so I guess that means that I have the right to do anything that I want with it & that no one but me is the "owner of my ass" as Judge Qwaylood (aka Aussie Emu or whoever the idiot really is or decides they’re gonna be on any given day) claimed to be. Ciao & wish me luck!
I’ve just backed this all up onto an external hard drive & have made several copies of this onto disks – one of which my lawyer is going to see if you don’t all back off immediately. I have also removed all the coverings from my windows throughout my rented second floor feces-hole of an apartment so you can have yourselves a peek inside if you have nothing better to do with yourselves today. How’s this for leaving myself wide open? And speaking of leaving things open, I used to leave my door unlocked for years up until the past year or so. My friend used to say that I was nuts for doing that. I wonder why that is?