Over Glorified Meat

22 Mar

Face it, people! We all suck in every single aspect of the word. That is one sure thing we all have in common with each other, other than being a suck when we’re moaning & groaning while complaining about silly things when we think that we’re not getting our rightful share and that life sucks in general. 

We all begin by sucking our thumbs straight-up (most of us, anyway) while we’re in our mothers’ wombs, and if it wasn’t for the medicinal & enriching qualities of the birth-milk we need to sustain ourselves, most of us would not have the advantage in getting a better head-start in life. Many people are taken off the nipple too soon, and it is my belief that this encourages thumb-sucking practices later on in life & well beyond the toddler years.

Most of us love to dine on choice cuts of meat that are also the product of farm animals that have been weaned & have only been nourished by nursing on mother’s milk alone, “before” they even get a chance to eat any other type of fodder. In this case, I see it as the sucks dining on the sucks.
Some children are taken off the nipple too soon, as you can see from this photo I took
Some cats are taken off the nipple too soon, as you can see from this photo I took

 

I get a real kick out of the name we give to meat that comes from a cow that has also not had a chance to nibble at the finer spread of turf mother nature has provided when we label it as “glorified steak”. Who, might I ask here, is the one who is really in their glory, in this case when a breast-feeding life is at stake at the expense of a few tender little morsels to satisfy someone’s palate – all wrapped up in fancy-schmancy pink paper & stamped with a label that draws big crowds & big bucks, without a second thought about it, as we often do with other big-ticket items available to us. And just think, it all goes through the same process as other things we consume, and straight down, into the old hole in the ground.

and some cat nip, of course!
  …and some cat-nip, of course! Now I also understand the reason why Irish folk love to dance the jig, because their famous Irish Dexter cow is weaning young-uns who often weigh in over 200 lbs more than their own mother after nursing from her milk for only a matter of a few months! Not only do the spoiled-rotten children of the world love to dine on suckling pig & the whitest veal in the spread, they choose other foods to take their sucking fantasies out on, like slippery spaghetti, sweet ‘n’ sour gummy worms, & creamy, dripping ice-cream cones, to name a few.

 
 Getting saucy, are we?  Getting saucy, are we?

 

My friend & I were recently killing ourselves laughing (meaning, there were never-ending tears streaming down from our faces) over a few simple little words: TITS IN MY HAIR, that we kept repeating all weekend like a rap-artist would in one of their zany songs, because when you really think about it, this is what life really boils down to, doesn’t it?

So the next time one of your kids, your hubby or someone else you might know is getting on your case & acting like a suck about things when they should just be sucking it up & forgetting about it altogether, you can start dancing around in front of them like a lunatic and belt out at the top of your lungs, over & over & over again, and as many times as you like & you feel is necessary in eliminating the blues, TITS IN MY HAY-AIRRRRRRRRRRRRR!  If that doesn’t do the trick, you can always resort to singing that Prözzak song,  SUCKS TO BE YOU.

This is another way you can pacify a suck if all else fails This is another way you can pacify a suck

 

With that said, I shall bid you adieu, sucks!

& fogataboutit! (an artistic endeavour of mine)
& fogataboutit! (an artistic endeavour of mine)
 
Getting laced
Getting laced
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One Response to “Over Glorified Meat”

  1. Styln April 5, 2011 at 5:33 pm #

    Good advice! I sucked my two middle fingers until I was five years old. I suffered from buck teeth until I got braces at 12. As a result, my teeth have never been right.

    I was never breast fed and I took the bottle until I was probably 1 and 1/2. I figure that I sucked my fingers due to a lack of attention from my mother who went through a divorce and serious changes during my formative years. Thank God for my grandmother!

    After we moved to Detroit, it took my grandmother’s assistance to get me off my fingers. I also suffered from an acute astigmatism of the left eye; so I appeared as a crossed eyed, buck toothed, wild haired, angry and confused child (I was really bad too).

    What a typical mess, I turned out alright though. If nothing else is true, sucker’s have serious issues. I’m glad to report that I no longer suck.

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