Watch Out For Poisonous Berries

6 Jun
 
I thought it was high time I threw an educational blog your way for a change before y’awl forget that I do display some signs of intelligence during the times I’m not acting out irrationally, kicking, screaming, ranting, raving & throwing temper tantrums. STFU! My ears are burning already (no pun intended). I was only making a feeble stab at having to endure being a hormonal woman, along with having to put up with them. Oh well – just accept them, I say; it takes a lifetime of phases & they all have to go thru them, unfortunately for us (if I may be allowed to speak out as a spokeswoman without the femme fatalays’ permission here). If you’re a man, be grateful you don’t have to be affected by the symptoms of womanhood. Before I stray away from what I’m here to edjakate yooz about, because I feel the majority of people out there do not read anything anymore, especially the manuals that are enclosed with electronic toys, never mind enjoying a good book (haha), I will be listing what I feel are significant enough dangers of black berries (did I spell that rite?)
 
You’re probably thinking to yourselves right now that this here chickadeez really living up to her rep of being squirrely, for WTF does all this have to do with knowing which berries to pick? Well, I was actually talking about the unhealthy & deadly aspects of BlackBerries, just like the one that I finally gave in & purchased the other day, in the awesome King Solomony (can I say that here without getting into any kinda trouble?) hues of eez werld, along with "The Stick" so I can stick it to you any time I want to, any where(s)  & any place (almost) that I want to & any time that I want to. How much cooler can it get, folks? Anyway, before I read the operating instructions for my latest all-in-one playtoy, I’m taking a break to fill you in on some of the stuff the Safety and Product Information booklet has to say (which, in my opinion, should have a big WHMIS type of symbol on the front to entice you to read it, sorta like a skull & crossbones one). After studiously absorbing the most pertinent info on the one I was instructed from the instructions to read first – yep, you bright ones out there guessed it (and for some of you slower folks out there, it’s the Safety and Product Information booklet) & before I even began to use it, and yes, even to make a simple phone call, I decided it was important enough to me, being the caring individual that I am about people, to take time out to point out to you what I feel we as a whole should all be aware of where it comes to these harmless-looking toys that just about every age category is playing with just about 24/7 nowadays. Here goes…
 
* When you wear a BlackBerry device close to your body, use a RIM approved holster (& please, any of you gay people out there, don’t kill yourselves laughing ) with an integrated belt clip or maintain a distance of 0.98 inches (that’s 25 mm – do I have to draw you a picture of what that might be?) between your BlackBerry device and your body while the BlackBerry device is transmitting. The long-term effect of exceeding RF exposure standards might present a risk of serious harm!
 
* Keep BlackBerry devices away from medical devices, including pacemakers and hearing aids, as they might malfunction causing serious harm or death to you or others! Do you really want to endanger other people’s lives, including those of your precious loved ones? Never mind the effects of second-hand smoke! So now I also hope you know why you’re supposed to keep your cell phones shut off inside of hospitals, and you wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve seen people going ahead anyway, right beside the old-timers & other patients they’re visiting, while they’re probably thinking to themselves that there’s nothing wrong with making a quick call. Now that I’m straying again, I’d also like to mention here that I’m remembering a time when way back when (before we even had cell phones) I was visiting my father in the hospital (where smoking was permitted at the time) & he was actually puffing up a storm right in his hospital bed, believe it or not, when I was around the age of 7, & also while my daddy was on the verge of death from having blood clots which he developed from having been kicked one too many times from going gung-ho in being a front-man on his soccer team. The prognosis the doc gave him was an estimation of about another 10 years before he would have to kick the bucket, but he managed to live on for another 30 yrs or so until lung cancer caught up with him & so did the grim reaper, all within a matter of a dozen plus or minus months – how ironic, isn’t it? And how’s that for a kicker (again, no pun intended here). 
 
* Don’t put BlackBerry devices in contact with liquids (and I also suggest you keep them away from your cuppsa coawfee & bongs) as this might cause a short circuit, a fire, or an electric shock. For some of you lame-brains out there, you might get a wake-up call from this  just like Frankenstein did!
 
* When you use BlackBerry device speakerphones, never hold the BlackBerry devices to your ear as serious and permanent hearing damage could occur, and believe me, it sure ain’t fun having to live your life not being able to hear, unless, of course, someone’s yelling at you (hee hee hee).
 
* Don’t expose BlackBerry devices to flashing lights as this can cause epileptic seizures or blackouts and might endanger you or others. Epileptics should consult their doctor first before they even think of ever using a BlackBerry device.
 
* Don’t use BlackBerry devices while driving unless you’re permitted to by the law to use the hands-free mode, and you know something? I felt like jumping out of the car the other day, right in the middle of the road while stuck in traffic to shout at a woman having it out (with her man, apparently) on a cell phone, because some people just do not take this new law seriously, and I can tell you for certain that tons of accidents & deaths are caused by talking on them while you’re supposed to be paying your full attention to driving – and moving your eyes every two seconds, if you ever recall reading this in your Driver’s Manual before you even took your Beginner’s Test. Not only that, I know for a fact (and I’m straying here again as I most usually do every few minutes or so, heh) that multitudes of deaths & mishaps are caused just from couples quarreling with each other while travelling in a motor vehicle that’s being operated by one of them. If you don’t believe me, just ask the poor girl I know of (who lost her boyfriend) about what she has to say about it all!
 
* Don’t use BlackBerry devices in temperatures that exceed 104% F (that’s 40% C – and that ain’t freezin’ either) – I’m talking fever quality here! Speaking of getting heated in a flash, here’s a little tip I’ve decided to fill you in on regarding this new mobile internet "stick". Seeing as how the outside of it is metal, I’m keeping mine placed on a wooden table rather than a glass-topped one because glass holds the heat where the wood doesn’t and you don’t want it heating up any more than it already is. Believe me, this thingy majiggy gets really hot at times! Hmm… now that I think of it I don’t recall seeing any warnings written about that anywhere in all this paperwork that came with this contraption I have here.
 
* Don’t expose BlackBerry devices in fires as this might cause explosions resulting in serious injury, death, or property loss. How can some people help it, though? That’s something to think about, isn’t it?
 
* Don’t keep BlackBerries around explosive fumes, explosive dust, or other explosive chemicals (I’m wondering, does that include hair spray? I’m gonna have to Google that). Sparks can cause explosions (no kiddin’) or fire resulting in serious injury, death or damage to property.
 
 
Well, that just about sums it up for you. So, before you think you’re so effing cool, now that you own a BlackBerry device (which are currently worth around $500 CDN), I suggest you keep your toys cool, for one, for these harmless-looking yet dangerous cool toys need to be kept cool, or even better yet, think twice (if you can) before you run out to get yourself some. If you’re the type of hands-on person who doesn’t like to read instructions, a kid (and that includes adult children) who loves to play with things right away without doing a little required legwork (or should I say brainwork) in reading, or a dimwitted individual (on 2nd thought, how are you ever gonna know that about yourself?) – let’s just say ‘not all there’ (no offense intended here … way-elle, maybe a little), then please heed this very cool lady’s advice. WTF am I saying here? The types of individuals I’m referring to here would never even take the slightest interest in reading this blog now, would they?
 
I’ll STFU now to give you some time to think & catch up with me here, while I go on to read the operation manuals. But do I really have to, though? I just wanna play! Why can’t I just play? Huh? Huh??? 
 
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