JUST IN CASE YOU WEREN’T FEELING TOO OLD TODAY

3 Dec
 
The people who are starting college this fall were born in 1991..Yep – when I started to go thru my mid-life crisis, haha, & had already bin there & done dat! 

They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.
Nor anything else on Earth for that matter, but they will remember their dysfunctional parents blowing up at each other day in & day out, that is fo-shur! 

Their lifetime has always included AIDS.
Yeah, just like in Forrest Gump, the movie we were watchin for the umpteenth time on the weekend – when I was trying to explain to my bf that Jenny had AIDS for sure but back then they did not know what it was yet. I love the way they incorporated important events in history into that movie. It’s amusing how Tom Hanks used them in his life story. 

The CD was introduced two years before they were born.
 
My bf’s daughters call LPs "giant CD’s" – I just sold hundreds from my own collection plus my 30 yr old Sony turntable, after uploading all the collectors stuff, scanning the best of the info & pictures in them, and finally giving in after all these years & get them to come out of the closet (no pun intended).

eez first real stereo from 30 years ago

They have always had an answering machine.

I remember when those biggie contraptions first came out. My bf’s sis, who’s been one of my best friends for over 30 yrs, used to play with it for hours after my 1st husband brought one home from work one evening. At around Xmas one year, we made up some pretty controversial werds to an oldie but a goodie old fave by Nat King Cole – uno, the duet with his daughter Natalie? Or have you forgotten already in your ripe ole age, haha! Anyway, I had us doing the duet on my answering machine message for quite some time & wish that I had saved it. Never mind the Jerky Boys (who were also quite popular back then). I have a book here that I purchased from a novelty store that has famous answering-machine sayings – mostly sarcastic, too! 

They have always had cable.
 
And for the first time in my life, I don’t, and why? Because I have no use for cable; there’s a cable-company war going on, I refuse to pay for these costly extravagences when I get to watch my fave shows with friends who pool together, plus I get anything I want to watch on my computer already, especially people like you!

Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.
Same with David Letterman always having been on the David Letterman Show. This flock will also not remember Dean Martin always holding a drink & a cigarette in his hand either, heh!
 
Popcorn has always been microwaved. 
And we are actually now making it in the oldest thick pot we have, for us & the kids, the old-fashioned way, and with lottsa butter & salt. You will never be able to beat the taste any other way! I swear by it. Especially one night when I was trying to eat my popcorn & have a few beers while trying to watch a movie I had just rented at the vid store, entitled Shocking Asia, where a doctor from there, who had been practising on animals before, performed his very first sex-change operation on a man & I almost puked! I really wondered what the hell that guy was on to make him want to become even more of a bitch & especially, to ever want to get rid of such a fine schwanz (what the Germans refer to as your ole dickie berd, hee hee hee). 

             

They never took a swim and thought about Jaws. Yes, and neither did they have all those made-for-TV, B-minus movies like Ben, Bug, and with people getting ravaged by pirranas (did I spell that rite?), creatures from blue lagoons, spiders, ants, lizards, snakes, chemical warfares, terrorists, disasters (both natural & human) – you name it! These were the in-thang when we were young. Oh, and I almost forgot to mention the horrors of ghosts & the walking dead! No wonder so many of us suffer from anxiety & panic disorder now, and there are so many psychopaths roaming amongst us, haha!

 
 The infamous Evelyn Dick homestead is located behind eez house (seriously!)

They don’t know who Mork was or where he was from.

I do & I love him. I’d raid his ole ork any time & he is a lifer in my books as well as an appeal to any generation right now. They didn’t know who the Fonz was either, nor do have they ever heard of Edith having to stifle herself & having to put up with meatheads, hee hee hee! 

They never heard: ‘Where’s the Beef?’, ‘I’d walk a mile for a Camel ‘, or ‘de plane Boss, de plane’.
Yep, and they never heard the whistle of the song of the show we used to watch where Gomer Pyle used say "surprise surprise surprise". They may have heard it on my Pink Floyd album The Wall at some point, heh! My grandma used to be madly in love with Jim Nabors & would actually buy all of his records (LPs) & even write him love-letters. When I used to tell her that he was gay & would never marry her, she told me she didn’t care. Just like when my own mother used to tell me the same thing about my fave man, Reggie D, uno – they keyboardin butt hammerer, who was named after a musician who was living just outside of town here by the name of…… can you guess who??? I saw him perform here in the 80s in a bar uptown, believe it or not. Getting back to Elton, my mother was so jealous because I used to devote all my time to him, day in & day out, and one day she told me that he was gay, and my reply to that was "I don’t care", after which I pursued him even more, hahaha! They never saw the Carol Burnett Show either which was a real hoot too. I guess that’s where our parents got the ear-pulling thing from, eh?
 
McDonald’s never came in Styrofoam containers.
Nor did they come with bullet-proof aprons for the patrons who may be in the line of fire from postal men. And no, I’m not referring to mail delivery here!

 

They don’t have a clue how to use a typewriter. You should check out the antique pencil sharpener I have of the old Remington that I taught myself how to type on before I reached high school & became one of my all-time passions & the thing that I best utilize my ambidextrous fingeez for. I must say that I am the old-fashioned master of it. The kids nowadays cannot even keep their fingers in one place on the keyboard to type alpha-numerically, such as I have learned to do, before they had the number pads on the computers. I was laughing so much the other day about how the old cow in the bank (yeah, she was older than me, haha) kept flipping back & forth from the alphabetical keys to the number pad & taking forever to do it too (as she must have been trained by the know-it-all young-uns) – what a silly waste of effort, I must say! Sometimes the old ways are much better than the new ways. I actually don’t have a clue on how to text message on cell phones & I’m steady fucking it up and having to start over again, so now I’ve given up on that. They’re no good for people with big fingers & poor eyesight anyway. 



 Pass this on to the other old fogies on your list.


 Notice the larger type? That’s for those of us who have trouble reading.. 

 
NOPE – you forgot it in your old age, you ole geezer! 


 P.S.
Save the earth  It’s the only planet with chocolate

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3 Responses to “JUST IN CASE YOU WEREN’T FEELING TOO OLD TODAY”

  1. ♥ Bekkie February 12, 2010 at 3:40 am #

    You forgot one of the most important ones! They have always had personal computers and the Internet!!!!!!

  2. ♥ Bekkie February 12, 2010 at 3:41 am #

    And flat screens for TV and Computer. I\’m jealous! When I got my degree we were glad just to have calculators! LOL!

  3. ♥ Bekkie February 12, 2010 at 3:47 am #

    You do wonderfully on text messages! You have mad skills my dear but I enjoyed this blog it got me thinkin\’.

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