A Broken Heart Is a Serious Disease

2 Apr
When will they realize a broken heart is a serious disease?

This is a story about a boy who loved a girl, and suddenly his heart was smashed. This is my story

by Gil Rozen

An old woman once told me that "for men having their hearts broken is a much more traumatic experience than for women. You keep your feeling bottled up inside." She may have been right. How do I know who suffers more? All I know is that the girl decided "it was just a fling" and left. It happens, but this time – I l-o-v-e-d her!"

This is a story about a boy who loved a girl, and suddenly his heart was smashed. I wish I was just a bystander. But, this is my story.

One morning she said we needed to talk. By noon we were over. A year tossed aside carelessly. It was that simple. "Forget about her!" the friends say. "She was no good." No good? She was an engineer, intelligent girl.

"She’ll be back! She’ll be sorry she ever left you!" they said.

Nonsense! Dreams are the worst. She won’t be back, she won’t remember. She just wasn’t into it anymore. It is her right. And I am imploding. My shoulders, my chest bone shivers, my kidneys burn.

Of course I tried to win her back. "Come on, we are good together," I said over the phone. She laughed it off. "Move on, babe, get over it. No big deal, we were together for less than a year."

But how do I get over it?

"This is Tel Aviv. There are tons of girls. And you look good. Well, got to run. Bye."

Our future children died too
Yes, move on with your life as if you never talked about an intimate wedding by the Kinneret. The two kids we were planning to have… How do you get over it? I don’t blame you, but I’m dead inside and so are our unborn kids.

This was true love for me. "Man, how did you not notice things were deteriorating? Didn’t you know you should monitor your emotions?"

No, no I didn’t. As If I’m the one to blame. As if I could have prevented it. What does "monitoring emotions" mean anyway? A year together, I fell in love, we were in love. And, that’s it, she got up and left. And she doesn’t owe me an explanation.

Let them say whatever they want. What does it matter now? The pain is killing me, almost physical. In my bones, my muscles, my blood pressure – and I used to be a healthy guy. Not anymore. I have no energy, I am noxious a lot. "You are the best, I love you so much…" she used to say. So, maybe…

Each memory is an illusion
Yet every memory is a lie. Hope is a deep bottomless well.

"Go out, have fun, see a movie, a show, don’t make a big deal about it, try to forget, love doesn’t exist."

A movie? What’s that? A show, parties? Come on, I am drawing a blank. I’ve wilted. It’s like a living hell.

"Then exercise, go to the gym."

But how? I have no energy, no motivation. My thighs are paralyzed, I can hardly move. I can not even work and I’m running out of sick days. When will they finally understand a broken heart is a catastrophe?

It’s been over a month but there’s no improvement.

One day an earthquake. "Anything but this!" I yelled. I really don’t deserve this! She started dating a (former) good friend of mine. He only cares about the sex. My love is a one night stand. I’m suffocating.

I look in the mirror, I lost 30 lbs. I don’t care. A skeleton looking back at me but I am numb.

I miss her smell
To sleep, just to sleep. I miss her smell so badly. I fall asleep and the dreams emerge like little snakes crawling upwards. I can hear them making love, see them kissing and I want to scream. Want to disappear, but how? Where?

I’d forgive her, I swear! I can suddenly identify with cheated husbands. It’s amazing how love softens anger. I’d forgive her, just want her back. I have no self respect, no ego. I love her just the way she is.

"She won’t be back, ever… she moved on."

I must come to terms with it, I have no choice. Will a heart-breaker be back to mend the pieces?
* * * *

Three months later. They say "you’re self destructing, man, over a girl? There are plenty of fish in the sea."
* * * *

Almost two years later. Did I forget her? Silly question. I’ll never forget. She left a scar in my heart. Did I learn anything? Not sure. I’m wiser, calmer, and clearer, and yes, waiting for a new love. I can laugh now, enjoy life, everything’s good but, still, something has changed in me forever.

I hereby announce the launch of an international "Broken Hearts Day" – a day of solidarity. A day dedicated to those whose hearts had been broken filled with empathy and attention. Radio stations will play nothing but sweet, melancholic love songs. It’s necessary, we all know at least one person who’s suffering the pain of unrequited love.


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